Trust Issues

How To Build Trust in A Relationship

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How To Build Trust in A Relationship

Do you catch yourself worrying about how to build trust in a relationship? You may have to realize that if you feel like you can’t trust the man you’re with, then you maybe shouldn’t be in that relationship. how to build trust in a relationship 

Trust is an important ingredient in any relationship. It can take a long time to build trust, and only seconds to break it. In order for your relationship to flourish, you must make a constant effort of being true to your partner, and expect the same from him.

Because trust needs time to take root, it’s common to feel doubts or be scared when you just started a romantic relationship. In particular if you had a bad experience in the past, for example if you had been betrayed by an old love, it would be more difficult to establish trust again.

Read on to see how to build trust in a relationship as the foundation for many happy years to come in a committed and healthy partnership.

  1. Find out what Trust means to both of you

  2. How you interact with other People matters

  3. Always mean what you say

  4. Share Secrets with each other

  5. Expect that your Relationship will be tested

You must remember that it’s not fair to the man you’re with to become the recipient of your past hurt and emotional issues. Being in a relationship means, or should mean you are ready for a new journey and that you have already healed from your past breakups.

It’s now time to open up and learn how you can build trust in a relationship.

1. Find out what Trust means to both of you

You think when two adults enter a relationship, they already know what to do – the do’s and don’ts; the unbreakable rules.

But most couples fail to establish what trust means to both of them. What are the things you consider cheating and what could pass as just casual flirting? It may surprise you how different your partner’s views might be from your own!

Some men don’t consider online flirting (e.g., exchanging racy photos, sexting and constant chatting) as cheating. They believe cheating only happens when a sexual intercourse between two people took place. Take the time to discuss your views about this topic and what you won’t tolerate. It’s an important step when you just started a relationship. Finding out what trust means to your partner is also important for understanding how to make your man happy in your relationship.

2. How you interact with other People matters

I have a friend who dated this guy, which I think was an obvious jerk. He likes to flirt with every girl he meets, but when confronted, would make excuses that it was nothing; it was just a joke or “just for fun.”

She tried her best to trust this guy and gave him the benefit of a doubt. But she always had to deal with doubts and insecurities. In the end, the relationship didn’t even last for six months.

It’s hard to trust someone, especially when they’re not making an effort to gain your trust. Some guys will show you from day one what they’re made of, believe them and decide if they’re worth the trouble. The same thing goes with you. If you like getting passed-out drunk at parties, with no concern for your own welfare, you’re sending off a signal that you can’t be trusted to take care of yourself.

3. Always mean what you say

Establishing an open and effective communication is paramount. But only if you words are truthful.

If you’re just spewing words in any conversation without thinking about it, your reliability decreases. You must also look for these signs from your partner. Does he follow through on his promises? Does he make baseless claims all the time? If your man always says what he means, and does what he says, then it’s a good sign that you can trust him.
Of course, no one’s perfect. It’s the frequency that matters.

4. Share Secrets with each other

A very good way to learn how to build trust in a relationship is for the partners to share secrets with each other.

Not the deepest secret you’re not comfortable of sharing; we all have those. Besides, having a few secrets and appearing not as a completely open book to your partner is also a way how to make him worry about losing you – which can be sometimes a great little trick to keep him really focused on you.

But there are things or experiences that could affect the relationship if you don’t come clean of it. Past relationships, divorce, children from past marriages are examples of this. It may be hard to go back to the past and reveal it to another person, but just think how it can strengthen the trust you have with each other. Also keep in mind in this regard: him sharing secrets with you in turn is one of the strongest signs he likes you more than a friend.

5. Expect that your Relationship will be tested

No two relationships are the same, but all relationships have one thing in common: you’ll have issues and problems that will test your strength and the trust you have built.

You have to learn how to deal with these things because some of them are petty, and may not be worthy of your time. Know how to differentiate the insignificant issues from the real deal breakers.

When your relationship is confronted with a serious problem, that’s when you’ll know how deep the bond is that you have formed with your partner and how strong your trust is with each other. If you’re foundation is strong, you might come out unscathed from it. If not, you will have to choose to rebuild or throw in the sponge.

Also Read: Bible Verses about Relationships

How to make a Guy miss you – 10 surefire Ways

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Tips on how to make a guy miss you – 10 Ways to make him long for you

Do you want to know how to make a guy miss you more when the two of you are not together? It may be just a petty fight between the two of you, or it may be as serious as a breakup. Or he may be taking you for granted, and you’re sick of it. how to make a guy miss you

No matter what the reason is, a guy will miss you if he’s given a chance.

There are more than enough ways to make yourself irresistible to your man, but here are 10 surefire ways on how to make a guy miss you:

  1. Don’t give him a Call or connect with him

  2. Give him and yourself some Space

  3. Leave Something of yours behind

  4. Have a lot of Self-control

  5. Be out of his Sight for Weeks

  6. Call and say good Night

  7. Show emotional Stability

  8. Have a Hobby

  9. Control yourself

  10. Do not be a ‘Yes’ Woman

1. Don’t give him a Call or connect with him

You need him to feel your absence and if you call him or connect with him in any way that purpose is defeated. Even if you want to tell him that he means nothing to you or that he’s going to regret his decision, don’t. Don’t involve emotions and it will have the right impact.

2. Give him and yourself some Space

Do not be around each other too much. If he gets to see you every single hour of every single day, then nothing in this article about how to make a guy miss you more will help you. Be there when your man needs you, but don’t be too clingy.

3. Leave Something of yours behind

Leave something of yours strategically behind. It’s one of the best ways to serve as a reminder of you.

Be naughty or nice, the choice is yours…a single earring form a pair, a set of keys, the book you have been reading or lingerie…all serve as warm reminders that make a man miss you and make him look forward to meeting you again.

4. Have a lot of Self-control

The moment you have decided to stop being needy, you should also have to make sure you gain a lot of self-control. This is the only way that you won’t lose focus of you goal – which is to make him miss you.

If you are having a hard time stopping yourself from clinging to your man, then share your goal (to have self-control) with some of your friends. These people will serve as your anchor each time you’re itching to contact your man.

5. Be out of his Sight for Weeks

One thing you can do is to not show yourself to him. Make him wonder where you are after a few days of not seeing you. It wouldn’t come as a surprise that he’d be calling you just to make sure you’re alright.

And the next time he sees you, he might just jump with joy and give you an I-miss-you-so-much hug.

6. Call and say good Night

You wonder how to make a guy fall in love with you? At the end of the day give him a call and simply say “good night”. People are loneliest at night, and this gesture of yours will warm his heart and make him want to be with you even more.

7. Show emotional Stability

There are many things that can drive your man away. Being too emotional or childish are two of them. Men need to be around people who are fun and emotionally stimulating in a positive way. This is why he goes out and hangs with his friends as soon as the two of you fight.

8. Have a Hobby

Give yourself time to engage in fun activities and the things you love doing. If you want your man to miss you, make him see that you’re doing well enough when he’s not around.

9. Control yourself

It is normal for a lady to be expressive, particularly with regards to her feelings for the person she loves. Let him know that you cherish him and that you miss him, but don’t go saying it every time you get the chance.

When he feels that you’re holding back, he will make an effort to spend some quality time with you.

10. Do not be a ‘Yes’ Woman

Every once in a while, say ‘no’ to your guy. Has he invited you for a last-minute date? Don’t go. Is he calling you after a long while of ignoring you? Don’t pick up. Do not be his doormat. Play hard to get, and he will try, try and try to get you.

Further Reading: How to make a Guy like You

Should I get back with my Ex? 5 Signs you should!

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5 Signs you should definitely try and get back with your Ex!

After a relationship ends there is often one specific thought that lingers in many people’s minds. ” Should I get back with my ex and try it one more time, perhaps it will work out this time?! ” After the deed is done, it might be quite difficult to ascertain whether breaking up was a mistake or a necessity because the relationship was unhealthy and virtually impossible. should i get back with my ex

The fact of the matter is that it is not always black and white. Rather, there is a lot of room for gray.

In case you are in such a situation, we give you here 5 signs that your relationship might deserve another go.

  1. The Issue that caused your Break-up is fixed

  2. When you realize that the Grass wasn’t always greener on the other Side

  3. If you are unhappy and miserable without each other

  4. Should i get back with my ex? Yes, if you and your ex both believe in second Chances

  5. If you both grew older, wiser and more mature

1. The Issue that caused your Break-up is fixed

If the reason your relationship ended no longer exists then by all means try and give it another try. Sometimes couples break up for fixable reasons. This could be trying to date while living in different cities or one party not being ready to settle down and make a commitment.

Such issues are easily fixable once the problem disappears. For instance, when your ex moves back into town or when they decide to prioritize settling down instead of other endeavors such as climbing up the career ladder. Once the reason you broke up in the first place is in fact not a real reason any longer, it is very possible to restart a relationship.

2. When you realize that the Grass wasn’t always greener on the other Side

Sometimes after leaving your ex and getting back into the dating game, you realize that you actually had a great relationship. You then start to wonder if maybe with a few compromises and hard work your relationship would have worked out.

If you realize this early enough and you had not burnt all bridges with your ex then it is possible to get back with him. The advantage of realizing that the grass on the other side might not be as green as you thought it was is that you will have a renewed and elevated appreciation for your ex. As such, you will be fully committed to making your second chance at love successful.

3. You are unhappy and miserable without each other

If you realize that after a while your life isn’t worth living without each other then there is no need to extend your unhappiness and misery. ‘ Should I get back with my ex ‘ is then a question easily answered.

The truth is that sometimes it takes time away from each other to fully realize that your relationship deserves a fighting chance. However, do not mistake this with the miserable feeling you may experience immediately after a break up; after losing a relationship everyone goes through heartbreak and pain. Yet, if your heartbreak and misery never seem to pass then it is an indication that perhaps you ex holds the key to your heart.

If you feel you’re not able to get over each other within a reasonable time frame and still yearn to have what you once had then do not hesitate to at least consider trying again.

4. Should i get back with my ex? Yes, if you and your ex both believe in second Chances

The success of a relationship depends on the willingness of both parties to try and make it work. If you and your ex both believe that forgiving and forgetting, rather than moving on is the best solution then by all means give your relationship another try.

Strong relationships go through stormy waters and by overcoming such troubles love, faith and trust are strengthened. For a second chance to work in this case, you and your partner need to look at past mistakes as opportunities for growth and not deal breakers. All it takes, though, is dedication and commitment to make it work from both of you. It cannot be a one-sided Endeavor in order to be successful.

Also read: How to forget Someone you Love

5. If you both grew older, wiser and more mature

Relationships sometimes end because both parties are not mature and wise enough to handle their issues appropriately. And in particular without hurting each other. After some time apart, you and your ex may realize that you are now more mature. Ultimately, you may realize that the reason you actually broke up was flimsy and completely solvable.

Giving your relationship in those cases another try is definitely advisable. You both have grown up now and your union will have a more mature vibe.

Should I get back with my Ex ? – Conclusion

There is impossibility when it come to love and relationships. Just because you hate your ex today doesn’t mean you won’t love and miss them tomorrow. Above five reasons are viable indications that perhaps you and your ex can make it work again.

The trick with giving a relationship a second chance is to make it a joint effort from both parties. Remember, though, to keep a sober and objective mind to give up if you realize that it may not work out after all.

Also read: Fear of Commitment / Relationship Phobia

Getting over your Ex – move on with a happy, healthy Life!

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Getting over Your Ex – and get your Life back!

If you have been fortunate enough to live past your early 20s, then you know that getting over your ex is one of the biggest dilemmas of adulthood. It can be heart-wrenching painful, difficult and, more often than not, it will feel like daring the impossible.

getting over your exWe’ve all been there, and if it is the first time you are trying to forget an ex-husband or ex-boyfriend, then welcome to the other side of love and relationships.

Where it has to get a little worse before it finally gets better.

That being said, we are all about giving great relationship advice for women. So here are some great tips that will help you piece your heart together. Read on and learn to move on with your life and, equally important, help you learn to love again in the future.

  1. Accept that it never worked and that It isn’t entirely your Fault

  2. It okay to mourn your lost Love, but don’t wallow in your pitiful State forever

  3. Go out, let your Hair down and have some Fun

  4. Minimize all Contact

  5. Pamper Yourself

  6. Hit the Gym

1. Accept that it never worked and that It isn’t entirely your Fault

A majority of us will first try very hard to rationalize why men pull away to begin with, and then go on to blame ourselves for a failed relationship sometimes even for as long as several years after it is long over.

Fine, both of you might have had something to do with the broken union, but as the saying goes; it takes two to tango. You were both responsible for the breakup and you shouldn’t go on feeling as if you solely caused the split. At the same time, accept your loss with grace and maturity.

It is only after you have completely come to terms with your heartbreak that you will be ready to rebuild your life again.

2. It okay to mourn your lost Love, but don’t wallow in your pitiful State forever

Girls, it’s perfectly okay to have an ‘emotional flu‘, and such ’emotional flu’ is actually quite important in getting over your ex. This is the time and phase after a breakup that you give yourself some time to get it all out of your system.

So lock yourself in for one or two days, scream, sob, listen to slow, melancholic music with an infinite repeat until you feel like it’s all out. It is only after this that you will start to heal and mend those broken pieces.

3. Go out, let your Hair down and have some Fun

Note, this doesn’t in any way imply reckless partying, drinking yourself silly and ending up in a stranger’s bed. While it is important to allow yourself time to grief by loosening up a bit, you will still need to have your limits in check. Otherwise, you end up even more hurt than you were before.

Alternatively, you can skip the nightclubs and go for a short, relaxing vacation to unwind, refocus and ‘find yourself again.’ We can all agree that relationships have a way of sucking up your energy, spirit, and soul. Getting out of town for a week or two can help you come back to old self by reprogramming back your body and mind to its default, ‘pre-breakup’ setting.

4. Minimize all Contact

Out of sight, out of mind. It is as simple as that. If it helps, unfriend / unfollow him on your social media profile and delete all past ‘cute messages’. Find a way of getting rid of his stuff and cut off all unnecessary physical links with them.

And depending on how acrimonious the break-up was, sometimes it may be necessary to delete their contacts and cut them off completely from your life. But that’s a little bit on the extreme side. Minimizing day-to-day contact should be just enough.

5. Pamper Yourself

As women, we tend to forget how special we are when we are in a relationship. It’s not surprising that most women will go out of their way to make a relationship last – sometimes even when love has already flown out of the window. It’s our protective, motherly instincts coming into play and there is nothing wrong with that.

However, you have to re-discover yourself if at all there is any chance for you moving on. So now, instead of expecting him to do all the nice things for you, it is probably time you did them for yourself. So take yourself out for a cute coffee or quick dinner date to that fancy restaurant out of town. Sooner rather than later, you will start feeling your self-worth soar high again.

6. Hit the Gym

Yes, get that dream body back. You might have been hurt, but this doesn’t mean that you should stay sad and indoors forever. Go out there, sweat it out and feel a surge of confidence pumping through veins!

In other words, there is life even after a nasty break up. Follow above steps for getting over your ex boyfriend, and move on.

Why Do Men Cheat and Lie … and who’s to blame?

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Why do Men Cheat and Lie? And why it is usually not YOUR Fault!

Why do men cheat and lie all the time? “I don’t generally have trust issues; I just can’t be with someone who lies all the time.” I once told a friend as he tried to bombard me insinuating questions about women and trust issues.

why do men cheat and lieWhen a woman gets jealous or turns suspicious, people automatically view her as being insecure, or as my friend put it – having trust issues.

I hate that the blame is just passed on to women, without realizing what causes them to feel that way.

Instead of attacking the revolting behavior of cheating and lying, women are often told that it is somehow their fault.

An older woman in her 60s, who was very close to me – kicked his husband of 30 years out of their home – after finding out he was cheating. Her husband, a quiet, all-around nice guy, who served as a public officer in the area was loved by many.

You would expect her friends and relatives to come and comfort her, but I was there when she was jabbed with questions by people who think they know better.

Are you sure he’s cheating on you? Do you have proof? Maybe it’s because you got busy with the kids and you don’t make yourself desirable anymore? Perhaps you two are not having enough sex? We’re still wrapped up in victim-blaming that victims of infidelities choose to hide their ordeal the world.

But guess what? It’s NOT your fault.

Interesting Insight on who it is that Men cheat with on their Woman

A dating site for married people, Victoria Milan, (Yes, Ashley Madison is not the only one), polled 4,000 participants and revealed some interesting insights:
•    Most male respondents admitted their significant others are more attractive than their mistresses
•    Only 30% of men chose to cheat on younger women
•    Only a quarter of male respondents think their mistresses have better bodies than their partners

Why do Men cheat and lie?!

There are myriad of reasons why a man would stray, and it depends on who you’d ask. I’d say it’s because they’re pigs, but that’s just putting it mildly, and besides, it’s unfair to the pigs.

I’m not saying you’re off the hook; you could still be one of the reasons, but focusing on what you lack or what you did wrong would not be helpful, for it is more likely a combination of different reasons.

So, I compiled here the common reasons that provide answers as to why do men cheat and lie, according to experts. Some of the psychological reasons would surprise you; the rest doesn’t take a genius to know.

  1. He is confused about Love

  2. He is covering deeply-rooted Insecurities

  3. “My Partner does not meet my Needs in the Relationship”

  4. He is narcissistic

  5. Your Man thinks of Infidelity as a Way out

  6. He had suffered Trauma and Abuse before

  7. The Routine bores him

1. He is confused about Love

Your partner may have confused the giddy feeling of infatuation with love, thus, he must’ve rushed into a relationship – not knowing that it takes hard work and commitment to maintain a stable and loving relationship.

2. He is covering deeply-rooted Insecurities

A person with low self-esteem is most likely to compromise his integrity. When you don’t understand your true worth, you need to seek validation from other people that you’re still attractive.

When a man is aware of his worth, he will leave an unhappy relationship before it damages his character.

3. “My Partner does not meet my Needs in the Relationship”

Sometimes a man may have unrealistic expectations that all his needs will and should be met by his partner. When the other person ‘fails him’ in meeting these expectations, he then thinks he is entitled to look for intimate connection elsewhere.

4. He is narcissistic

A narcissist, whether he is a man or woman, will cheat on you no matter how good your sex life is. A narcissists feels superior and entitled to more than most people; he also resents all limitations that are placed upon him.

5. Your Man thinks of Infidelity as a Way out

He wants to get out of the relationship, but can’t tell you directly. He hopes his extramarital affairs will serve as the message he has no balls to give you.

6. He had suffered Trauma and Abuse before

Men with psychological and emotional pain from past experiences may need to seek medical help. Physical and social abuse, especially in his formative years, can affect how he acts and commits with other people.

7. The Routine bores him

If men themselves are being asked why do men cheat and lie, this is one of the most common excuses they present. But instead of communicating to their partners what they want from the relationship or making the initiative of reigniting the desire between them, they often choose to start anew with another woman.

Don’t let the Betrayal define you

The trauma caused by infidelity can be hard to overcome. It’s a big blow to be betrayed by the man you love. It affects your self-esteem, and may give you irrational fears of future encounters with other men.

It’s important to know that someone’s deceit and betrayal doesn’t define you, and you shouldn’t let it dictate how you live your life. Work on accepting above points and it will be a lot easier for you to work on how to save your relationship and marriage.

Further Reading: The main Reasons why Men pull away

How to forget Someone you love – so you can move on!

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How to forget Someone you love – for a happier, healthier Future ahead of you!

Can you actually learn how to forget someone you love? Does it feel like you will be haunted by thoughts of your ex for the rest of your life? You wonder just how to survive a breakup? Is there anything you can do to put things in perspective?

Getting over a break-up is always difficult, but when you still love your ex, it can feel almost unbearable. how to forget someone you love

Everyone tells you, “It will get better with time,” but that day seems far away.

However, if you’re looking for some pointers to help you get through the next few weeks and months, consider the following suggestions.

You may not completely forget someone you love, but you will be in a way better position to move on without him.

The following are our best Advises on how to forget someone you love:

  1. Admit It Is Over

  2. Work out your Grief

  3. Don’t live with constant Reminders

  4. Fill your Life with new Activities and Interests

  5. Talk with Your Friends

  6. Reduce Contact

  7. Forgive

  8. Remember who You are

  9. Have Fun, and start Dating

1. Admit It is over

Before you can move on, you’ve got to admit to yourself that the relationship you thought would never end is, indeed, over. Cry on friends’ shoulders, write sad poems and listen to all the great break-up songs you can find in your music collection.

Before you do this, though, get your calendar. Mark the date three days from now as the date when you will stop your official mourning period and move on. Circle it in red, put a shiny foil star on it, do something. If you use your phone’s calendar, fill that day with alarms that will remind you that it’s time to move on.

2. Work out your Grief

In order to banish the ghost of a past relationship, you must complete the process of saying good-bye. Much as when someone dies, you need to go through the ritual of grief before you will be able to completely let go.

So give yourself some time to mourn the loss. Talk it out with friends; write it down in your journal; punch your pillow if that helps. Get professional assistance if you believe this may help you. Allow yourself a few moments each day to do your “grief work” – then focus on your present and your future. To forget someone you love, you have to ‘exorcise your pain’.

3. Don’t live with constant Reminders

It’s hard to forget a guy when you’re surrounded by constant reminders of his former presence in your life. If you shared a house or apartment together, maybe now is a good time to move.

Don’t go to your favorite restaurant and your favorite bar all the time – too many ghosts. Take his photos down. And must you still root for his alma mater’s football team? You’ll never be able to forget someone you love if you surround yourself with the mementos of a past relationship.

4. Fill your Life with new Activities and Interests

To replace the old memories and associations, you need to create new ones. You’ll benefit from the distraction, and you’ll start to fill up your time with activities and interests that aren’t so heavily associated with the man you lost.

It may be a good time to take up that new hobby you didn’t have time for before. Or take that vacation you had been planning for months – but make it a girlfriends’ trip. Whether it’s trying a new exercise class or going back to school, there are many constructive activities in which you can become involved. If you’re ever going to forget someone you love, you must fill the empty spaces.

5. Talk with Your Friends

Your friends are there for a reason, and they want to help you get through this period. Have them come over and share your feelings and lean on them when you feel like you might not be able to go on.

6. Reduce Contact

Even if you still want to be friends with your ex, it is best to reduce contact with him immediately after you have broken up. This is because your wounds are still very fresh and they need some time to heal.

7. Forgive

One of the hardest things to do at the end of a relationship is to forgive the other person. However, if you want to understand how to forget someone you love and to ultimately move on with your life, then it must be done.

When you can forgive them for what they have done, you will feel like a weight has been lifted off your shoulders and it will allow you to move on.

8. Remember who You are

Quite often, when people become heavily involved in relationships, they forget themselves. They stop doing the things they once enjoyed, and they put their relationship first.

Now is the time to get back to what you loved! Play that musical instrument you put away a few years ago. Pick up those paintbrushes, and spend an afternoon immersing your soul in art. Get out your writing supplies, and start working on the next great American novel. Whatever it is, the point is, you have to do what pleases you deep inside. Be yourself, and love yourself.

9. Have Fun, and start Dating

We have arrived at our last step in learning how to forget someone you love. Have fun, and start dating again! Once you are feeling a little more like yourself, get out of the house. Go on little trips with your friends, and try to meet new people. This is a crucial part of the process it takes to forget someone you love – you must step outside your boundaries, realize that your opportunities for friendship and fun are limitless and that you do indeed have a chance to make a new life for yourself.

Start dating, even if it is just with your friends! Go out in groups, act silly, meet people to talk to, and soon enough you will wonder what it was you were so concerned about.

Life is great … take it in!

Also read: The Reasons why Men pull away

Fear of Commitment – How to resolve Commitment Phobia

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Heart-to-Heart Ladyspeak – How to overcome Commitment Phobia

It is generally believed that men, being the ‘gatekeepers of commitment’, are usually the ones that ‘suffer’ from fear of commitment. Men are simply believed to be more reluctant of committing to long-term relationships or marriages.

Both Men and Women can ‘suffer’ from Fear of Commitment

Yet, lately, there has been a new crop of ladies who are just as apprehensive of the same. fear of commitmentRead on to find out.

Our ‘commitment phobia’ – lady in question here will often be strikingly beautiful and accomplished. She is maybe also a little bit more ambitious than your average Mary or Jane. And, of course, she is fiercely independent and gorgeous.

She will be in her late twenties to early thirties, making bank every year with an impressive six-figure salary. She might also be driving a sleek luxury car. But she could also be in her late teens or early twenties, a college beauty to behold. In that case, at the prime of her youth, she’d still be learning how to navigate the murky waters of modern-day dating.

The “Luxury” of too many Choices

And it doesn’t just end there. She could be one of those seasoned professionals at the top of the corporate ladder. Being in her early 40s, she is still quite attractive and shapely (compared to her peers in the same age group). Yet, years of interacting with men of different facets, sizes, races, breed, and creed have made it almost impossible to consider settling down. The mere thought of a long term relationship almost creates anxiety in her.

Or it could be just you, yes you.

You see, the one thing all these ladies have in common is an almost unlimited number of male choices in the dating pool. And in the sexual market, for that matter. To these women, there is always a bloke in the next immediate corner trying to ask them out for cute dinners or a night out.

In other words, there are more than a few men clamoring for their attention or commitment at any given time.

But what happens when ‘Mr. Right’ comes along? The guy who sweeps them off their feet and gives them the ‘butterflies-in-the-stomach’ feeling. As anyone would expect, they will often be skeptical of giving it all up in the name of commitment. And, unlike in men, it is usually NOT out of fear of quitting the dating pool or ‘market’. It is always something else. Something more profound.

Suggested Reading: Why Men tend to pull away

But if all this sounds like you, we have good news. There are ways to overcome fear of commitment, any “commitment phobia”.

Any woman, including yourself, can learn how to ‘love him the right way’.

  1. Understand that the Cliche “All Men are just the same” is simply that – a tired, old Cliche

  2. Stop spending so much Time with your single, carefree Girlfriends discussing how Men are unworthy of Commitment

  3. Face your Fear of Commitment and strive to acclimate to the Idea of a long-term Relationship

  4. Focus on the positive Side of Things

1. Understand that the Cliche “All Men are just the same” is simply that – a tired, old Cliche

We live in a world characterized by stereotypes. Ever since you were a teenager you have been constantly warned of the treacherous and unpredictable nature of men. And maybe somewhere along the way you got the unfortunate chance of confirming this. Maybe even through the hands of an emotionally or physically abusive man.

Or maybe things just didn’t work out as you had dreamt and wished for.

Either way, regardless of how physically and emotionally attractive you find men to be, you’re still unable to get over the hurt from a previous relationship.

Well, it is true that some men are serial cheaters and wreckers of relationships. Just as there are equally unfaithful women. But each and every one of us is uniquely different. Generalizing things blindly without first taking the time to learn about this amazing new man in your life is the first step towards pushing him away.

Be fair, be realistic, and listen to your instincts. As women, we are innately gifted with the ability to analyze a man’s ‘energy’. As such, most of the time, we can tell a keeper from a player from a mile way. If he’s one of the former, at least give the fellow a chance.

2. Stop spending so much Time with your single, carefree Girlfriends discussing how Men are unworthy of Commitment

Human beings, especially women as naturally social beings, are always comparing and contrasting their lives with those of their immediate peers.

That’s actually the wisdom behind the saying, ‘birds of a feather flock together’. You can’t expect to get over your fear of commitment, your commitment phobia, if you are still spending all your weekends with your girls going back-and-forth over how degenerate men have become.

Eventually, this mentality that you keep drumming into each other will sink in. It will then destroy any progress you and your prospective partner are trying to make.

However, note that this is not the same as avoiding them entirely. After all, there are still your friends and you wouldn’t just drop them because you have finally found a man worth keeping around. Simply limit the time you spend with them. Especially, if you can’t help but engaging in idle banter revolving around your dysfunctional commitment issues.

3. Face your Fear of Commitment and strive to acclimate to the Idea of a long-term Relationship

Commitment, in any form, is a risk – there is no use denying that. And that’s why it is important to associate more with your married and engaged friends rather than your single girls. That’s an important step in overcoming the fear of committing to a man.

This will not only help you envision yourself in a fulfilling, healthy relationship but will also help you to acclimatize to the nature and realism of long-term relationships. In fact, it could also psychologically change your mind from thinking that swallowing the commitment pill is a bad idea.

4. Focus on the positive Side of Things

It is true that an undivided commitment makes you more vulnerable to heartbreaks and hurt. It does, however, also put you in a better position of reciprocating love and faithfulness from a worthy partner.

Doing so also makes loving them easier. This, in turn, increases the chances of him sticking around compared to the alternative which gives the man a guilt-free card of playing around. Men, being men, will inherently appreciate a woman who shows signs of making a dutiful wife. They may not even know this themselves. And one of the signs is unquestionable faithfulness and unwavering commitment.

It is only then that a man will make an effort to sacrifice his time and resources for you. Otherwise, he will always have in the back of his mind to possibly spent his energy on exploring other sexual exploits.

Overcoming Commitment Phobia – The bottom Line

A man is much more likely to remain faithful to a woman who has no qualms committing to him, than to one who prefers to be an ‘uncaged bird’ and free spirit. That’s just an evolutionary adaptation that has been etched in his DNA.

Also, remember that men are naturally more reluctant and unsure of quitting the dating market than you. That is because they are the proverbial gatekeepers of commitment. So if a man is taking the initiative to step up his game and offer his undivided commitment and faithfulness to you, then right there you may have found a gem.

Also read: How to get a Man to marry You

How to stop Lying in a Relationship – 7 Steps to make it Stop

Posted on by HelpwithMen

How to Stop Lying in a Relationship – Why we lie and what to do about it

Lying is something we all do on a daily basis. Many of us thereby do not even care about how to stop lying, not even when we lie in our relationships. We all share a version of our story or parts of the truth that we think are acceptable. We omit little details that could make other people uncomfortable.

It’s also common for us to hide our true feelings or exaggerate our talents and achievements. how to stop lying

Sometimes a lie is more comforting than the harsh truth, and how many times have we lied to someone so as not to hurt their feelings? Genuinely nice people may find it hard to pinpoint someone’s faults that they resort to lying; they would even deny that something is wrong. Things like this can backfire and cause more troubles. Although small lies may not cause lifelong repercussions, habitual lying in a relationship can be devastating.
Deception may also start as small, insignificant twisting of truths – such as telling your partner that you went to bed early – when you have stayed past midnight, chatting with an old friend.

The first time you lie without getting caught, it will be easier to continue lying and whatever guilt you have will slowly dissipate. Lying by omission occurs when you fail to mention important details in your story to create a misconception.

Do you often lie automatically when confronted with the truth? Do you want to stop feeling guilty and instead have a strong relationship built on trust and respect?

How to stop lying – Change will not happen overnight

When you are already in the habit of lying, change will definitely not happen over night but will require a conscious effort on your behalf. However, like any habit, you can also change the habit of lying. These tips will help you get there:

  1. Identify the Reasons why you lie

  2. Understand what Lying can do to your Relationship

  3. Reflect on your moral Principles

  4. Think before you talk

  5. Learn to accept your Faults

  6. Make it a Habit to tell the Truth

  7. Talk to a Therapist or someone you are comfortable with

1.    Identify the Reasons why you lie

Lying doesn’t mean you are a bad person, but it depends on the reasons behind it. To stop it in its tracks, you need to get to the bottom of this disagreeable habit. Women often lie about their age, weight, plastic surgeries, and so forth.

Both men and women often lie to avoid conflict and criticism. In an abusive relationship, women are forced to lie for their safety. Knowing the reason behind your compulsive lying will paint a picture of the type of relationship you’re in. Perhaps there are issues you need to resolve in the relationship, or maybe it’s better to throw in the towel and save yourself.

Read more: Follow these Steps to Save Your Marriage

2.    Understand what Lying can do to your Relationship

What you may think as being trivial can be upsetting to your significant other. Keeping a secret is also a form of lying, especially if you’re hiding something that would greatly affect them.

The convenience of making up a lie often causes us to justify the act. Put yourself in the other person’s shoes, would it hurt to know that you have been lied to? Keeping the truth from someone you love creates wounds. And of the many types of emotional wounds, betrayal is the hardest to heal.

3.    Reflect on your moral Principles

Someone with self-respect values honesty. Having integrity is an admirable trait. We respect influential people for their authenticity. We consider them role models – the movers and shakers in a structured society – and they are the ones who could make change happen.

It’s time for you to question if this rings true to you. Who do you consider as role models? What can you learn from them? Rebuilding trust is not an easy road, and some doesn’t even get to the end of it. Before you compromise your relationship, look yourself in the mirror and decide how badly you want to stop lying.

Read More: How to Get a Boyfriend you like

4.    Think before you talk

It’s a slippery slope when you started lying in a relationship, you will be tempted to do it again and again – until it’s all downhill from there. If lying is deeply entrenched in you, you will lie unconsciously when asked.

You have to be aware of the patterns that causes you to lie. Before you answer your partner or tell a story – think of the things you want to say. Are you being honest? The truth may hurt for a while, but a lie can ruin a person forever.

5.    Learn to accept your Faults

We all make mistakes, and we often fabricate a different version of the truth to hide these mistakes. It is our fear of not being accepted that makes us trying to hide these mistakes. We despise judgement. The worst thing to do is to deny when you are caught in the act of lying.

There’s a certain degree of freedom when you finally admit the truth. Don’t keep a guilt-ridden conscience for the rest of your life. Give yourself and your loved ones, the peace of mind you both deserve. Don’t give up. You are already working on how to stop lying. You are on a good way to change things for the better.

6.    Make it a Habit to tell the Truth

After this long read, unfortunately, you won’t instantly turn into an honest person. It will take a lot of hard work to keep lying even just to a minimum. Worse, if bridges have already been burned, and you’ve lost the person you love because of lying, you might not get them back.

But don’t let deceit immobilize you. Remember that no matter how bleak you feel your situation is, you can still recover from that habit. You must, however, put in continuous efforts, day in and day out.

7.    Talk to a Therapist or someone you are comfortable with

Do you still wonder how to stop lying? Are you still finding it hard to be honest no matter how much you try? You might need to consult a therapist. Confiding to a trusted friend or a support group will also help. The fact that you are willing to correct your mistakes means you are redeemable, and you understand the devastating effects of lying in a relationship.

How to stop lying in a Relationship – Conclusion

The little lies we tell everyday may seem harmless at first, but they can do more damage in the long run. It interferes with the quality of relationships we have with other people, and provides additional stress because of feelings of guilt and anxiety.

Relationships should be built on mutual trust and understanding, but it has always been a struggle for two people in love to bare everything and risk being vulnerable. It’s probably safe to say that a good foundation for any relationship is self-awareness. Know yourself and be true to yourself. Because everything starts with you.

Why do Men lie in Relationships – and Ways to stop him!

Posted on by HelpwithMen

Why do Men lie in Relationships – and the most effective Ways of making him stop lying

Can a woman in a relationship deal with a man who consistently lies? If so, then for how long? And why do men lie in relationships, anyway?

One of the biggest problems women face in their relationships and even in their marriages is a lying partner. Many relationships suffer from ‘exaggerated truths’ and ‘white lies’ which slowly eat at the trust that partners have towards each other. why do men lie

Some of those exaggerated truths and white lies are the result of partners trying to impress each other. Particularly when a relationship is just starting out.

However, if your boyfriend or husband is lying to you consistently, you need to take it seriously. It may reflect on a character trait they have built over years.

Sometimes a lie can also be indicative of issues in your relationship that you are not dealing with.

Let’s first look at some potential reasons behind why your man might be lying to you in the first place. We will then turn to answering the question how to make him stop lying.

You first and foremost need to know some potential reasons why most men lie to their girlfriends and wives.

1. Potential Reasons why many Men lie to their Partners

  • A man might lie to you because he does not want to hurt your feelings

When you have demonstrated to your man that you tend to be dramatic and upset when dealing with difficult truths, he might develop the tendency to lie. This is because he will be trying to keep peace when it comes to discussing difficult topics. Even if he might not lie out-rightly, he will tend to sugarcoat or avoid a volatile subject all together.

  • When a man perceives that there is no upside to telling the truth, he may choose to lie

If a man thinks that him telling the truth may not render any positive consequences, he may be tempted to lie so as to get out of a situation. Men are more practical while women lean towards being rather emotional. A man is more likely to say the truth when there is a chance that it will have a positive effect.

  • Some men lie because they want to impress you and they feel the truth might not be good enough

It depends on how you look at it. From one angle it might actually seem like a compliment because a man is just trying to please and impress you. However, objectively speaking this is far from being a compliment. Rather, it reflects on nothing else but essentially insecurity. It is an indication that your man is not comfortable being himself, not even with you.

This lack of self esteem and security can lead to a pattern of lying consistently and will only stop when a man starts being ‘real’ and authentic.

2. Effective Ways of making your Man stop Lying

Now that we looked at some potential reasons why do men lie to their partners, we can turn to answering the question of how to effectively make him stop telling you lies. Is he lying all the time to the point that it is seriously affecting your relationship? Don’t panic! Here are some ways you can stop his behavior.

  • Reasonably and objectively consider the context of your man’s lie or lies

If you catch your man lying or strongly believe he may have been lying to you, think about what might have triggered and motivated him to lie. Thinking about the context of the lie is important. It can help you ascertain why he needed to lie or felt the need to lie.

  • Never blame yourself for the lies that your man tells

A big reason why some men feel comfortable lying continuously to their partners is because they are or feel enabled to do so, by their partners. By taking the blame every time your man lies, you are helping him cover up for their bad behavior.

The bottom-line is that your boyfriend is an adult and as such is responsible for every action he takes consciously. No matter how you put it or the situation at hand, he had the choice to tell the truth but he chose to lie. Part of being in a mature and healthy relationship is taking the responsibility when you make a mistake.

  • Confront your partner when he lies with respect, honesty and openness

If you have caught him lying then you cannot simply demand and command him to stop lying. Instead, you need to confront him calmly and clearly. This will be a very tough conversation so here are some tips that can come in handy;

  • Rather than out-rightly calling him a liar or telling him ‘you are a liar’, give him a chance to be real and honest with you. Start the conversation gently by trying as much as you can to make your partner feel comfortable and not judged.
  • You want to really get to the bottom of why do men lie? Then make sure you use a polite and loving tone. Do not use the angry and judgmental tone that many women chose to go with. When you communicate in a calm and gentle way, your boyfriend will be more open and honest and you will be more likely to get to the bottom of the lie.

  • Have an in-depth, authentic and truthful conversation about the reasons he might have lied

Most of the best relationship advises for women available include tips to improve the relationship’s communication. Allow your boyfriend or husband to explain calmly why they chose to lie; however be very wary of the reasons he gives. Sometimes a man may just feel pressured to be honest. This discussion should take place sometime after the initial confrontation because it needs to happen when there is no tension or discomfort.

  • Make it very clear to your man that you do not appreciate being lied to, no matter the situation or reason

Once you have confronted them and then also allowed them to come clean, it is time to take your stance known. A good man will respect a woman who has strict principles and adheres to them; tell them exactly what you want but ensure that you are gentle and respectful as you do it. If you let your man get away with lying then there is a high likelihood that it will become the norm in your relationship.

Conclusion – Why do Men lie and what to do about it

A relationship is supposed to be a union of love and trust between two people. These two partners are supposed to appreciate and respect each other. Part of respect and appreciation is honesty. A woman needs to know when the lying is too much and reflects on a destructive pattern that can negatively impact your relationship.

We looked at potential reasons that can answer the question why do men lie in their relationships, in the first place.

But how about your own relationship? Does your man lie to you all the time? Do you find it hard to believe your boyfriend or husband? Have you confronted him countless times and the lying problem still persists? If your answer is YES to all these questions then you may want to consider whether it is worth being in a relationship based on lies.

Also read: Follow these Steps to stop Lying immediately

How to survive a Breakup – 15 Tips to move forward

Posted on by HelpwithMen

15 Tips on how to survive a Breakup and what to do after a Breakup

A relationship usually begins with lots of giggles and romance. If not taken care of, however, a devastating breakup can easily follow shortly thereafter.surviving a breakup Being emotionally overwhelmed, many women struggle heavily with break-up situations. Let’s look at our best 15 tips on how to survive a breakup situation and what to do after a breakup, in order for you to move forward with your life!

What matters most is that you will move on without keeping any anguish or sad feeling inside of you.

TOP 15 Tips on how to survive a Breakup / what to do after a Breakup:

  1. Clear your Mind

  2. Sadness

  3. Supports

  4. Get rid of it

  5. Socialize

  6. Be happy, no Date

  7. Calm yourself for a few Minutes each day

  8. Determine where both of you stand in the Relationship

  9. Remove Items that connect both of you together

  10. Exchange personal Property with your Ex-Boyfriend

  11. You should avoid him

  12. Take care of Yourself

  13. Realize that Events in life do happen “for a Reason”

  14. Improve yourself

  15. Don’t be afraid to get Help from an Expert

1. Clear your Mind

The first thing to do is to sit quietly and to clear your mind of all the emotional pain you’re feeling. Try and think objectively about the issue. Ask yourself why this breakup occurred in the first place and how you could potentially be better off from this event, in the long run.

Clear your mind of the feelings you have for your partner for a moment and reassess whether the relationship is worth fighting for. If it is, there are things you can do to get your relationship back on track. But if you realize that you might be better off without your former partner, then it’s time to move on and to focus on ‘surviving the breakup’ and the emotional distress that comes with it, instead.

Also read: Learn how to save your Marriage

2. Sadness

Sadness is a normal feeling felt after a breakup, so try to accept it as normal. Being down after a breakup is very natural. Don’t be afraid to express your feelings. You can cry if you want to., or you could write a poem or a song. It’s up to you how you chose to express your sad feelings. Just express them. After that, you will feel better, already.
why he lies in a relationship

Click here for ‘Why He Lies in a Relationship” – helping you to survive the Breakup!

3. Supports

You should reach out to any possible support group of yours, loved ones, or friends. Talk to them. If they are your friends, they will listen to you. Talking about how you feel will help you loosen up.

Read also: How to Rebuild Trust in a Relationship

4. Get rid of it

Throughout the duration of your relationship your ex-boyfriend probably gave you plenty of gifts and both of you have probably also plenty of pictures together. Get rid of all of it. Seeing those memorabilia will just constantly remind you of him.

This will slow down the coping process. So better get rid of all of it. If you cannot just let go of it completely, then get a box. Put all of it in the box and seal it and make sure it is hidden somewhere you will not likely open it, any time soon.

5. Socialize

Yes, socializing is the word. Face the world and enjoy. Socialize with your friends. Bond and catch up with your single friends. Who says being single isn’t fun? Being single is fun because you can do whatever you want to do with yourself. Some things being single are making life actually happier. Enjoy it while you still have it.

6. Be happy, no Date

Don’t rush things. Avoid rebound relationships. Those relationships often and quickly end up with failure. Finish first what you have started before entering into a new relationship. Prepare yourself first before getting into a new relationship hastily. Enjoy being single, for a while.

7. Calm yourself for a few Minutes each Day

Actively calm yourself down several times throughout the day, even though you might actually feel like screaming. When calming yourself for a few minutes each day, you will be able to listen to your ‘inner-you’ and in doing so you will be able to better understand what you’re going through.

In a situation shortly after a breakup, it is perfectly normal to be irrational. Only in calm moments will you be able to see what’s going on and will be able to navigate the situation you’re going through, effectively.

8. Determine where both of you stand in the Relationship

In learning how to survive a breakup and what to do after a breakup you’ve got to determine where you both stand in your relationship. It is certainly not easy if you both still feel some love for each other.

Do you think there is a chance that you may be able to repair the broken relationship and get back together for good? If so then you’ve got to evaluate your options and begin planning on how you are going to get back together.

9. Remove Items that connect both of you together

The next step in figuring out how to survive a breakup and what to do after a breakup is to remove all items that connect both of you. That way, you can emotionally disconnect from your former partner. Get rid of picture albums, remove clothing, remove gifts, and remove everything that reminds you of him. Moving forward becomes much easier that way.

You do not have to destroy all of these items, but do not have a picture on your wall with both of you hugging each other since it reminds you of the times you’ve spent together. Try to detach as quickly as possible.

10. Exchange personal Property with your Ex-Boyfriend

If you have decided that it is best for both you and your ex-boyfriend that the relationship never be revived, then so be it. In that case, many people have found it wise to symbolically finalize things with him by giving back each other’s personal property.

Arrange to meet your ex-boyfriend and exchange any personal property you may still have in each other’s possession.

11. You should avoid him

Avoid him! Well, this might sound a bit selfish. Yet, instead of thinking of his situation, focus on your own situation, right now. Deal with your personal sorrow. And avoid him as seeing him will make the healing process a lot slower and more difficult.

12. Take care of Yourself

While often neglected, this is the most important aspect to keep in mind as you’re working on surviving a recent breakup. It is quite common to feel a loss of appetite and the inability to get sleep at night. Yet,it is important that you do not change your normal routine about these things! Whether hungry or not, eat healthy food and go to bed the same time you usually do.

If you regularly exercise make sure that you do not miss your physical activities and, if possible, make them now even more challenging. On the other hand, if you have not been very physically active up until now, taking up a new sport or activity is a great way to provide you with some exercise to feel better and to also distract you from the breakup itself.

13. Realize that Events in Life do happen “for a Reason”

Try to appreciate and learn from the relationship that you had, but also accept that most relationships do end at some point and that life goes on for the best.

Deep inside, you know that people do eventually figure out how to survive a breakup situation they had to face and that they also usually figure out what to do after a breakup. And so will you. Ultimately, you will thrive in the future if you appreciate the lessons to be learned from each relationship, lessons about yourself, and lessons that can benefit you in future relationships.

14. Improve yourself

A very helpful step in working on how to survive a breakup is to take up a new hobby. Or get a makeover and reinvent your looks. Or do anything that makes you feel good about yourself.

Lingering over the painful breakup won’t help you. Instead, you should work on getting better and moving on. The easiest way to do this is to keep yourself occupied, for example by taking up a new hobby. This is the time for doing anything that you may have been postponing while being in your  relationship, because of one reason or another.

15. Don’t be afraid to get Help from an Expert

Some people can’t open up with their friends and loved ones. They prefer to go to the experts, whom they do not know. Well, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with seeing a counselor, quite the opposite! Professional counselors can usually help you even better than friends or family.

What to do after a Breakup – Final Thoughts

A breakup situation might present you with one of the hardest times of your life. But never forget that there are always people out there who are willing to lend a hand and help you get back on your feet.

And figuring out how to survive a breakup and what to do after a breakup, respectively, is just a life-challenge for you to take on. Follow above 15 tips and you are well on your way to a much brighter future. Remember, there’s always a rainbow after the rain.

Further Reading: The best Tips on How to get a new Boyfriend